I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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