yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
