Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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