i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
