sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
