we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
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