so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
