If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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