Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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