He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
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She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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