I'm really into asian looking animals
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
