I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We left an ass print on the piano.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
