His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
