Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
