How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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