Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
