you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
