So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
