i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
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She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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