Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
