he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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