Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
