Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize