I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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