dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
