i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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