I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize