Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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