Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
