I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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