she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize