That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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