the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you had me at cake vodka
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Sorry about my life...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
