This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
