When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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