i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
