so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
