Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
