i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
