my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
