dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
