i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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