i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
