she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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