I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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