I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
