My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
