When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize