You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
