I need help removing her.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
