we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
