Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
