Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
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I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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