I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
