so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
