i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
