if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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