I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Congratulations! We have a period
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
