no, he came in my armpit
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
