well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
