He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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