Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
