How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
