my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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