"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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