You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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