I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
