Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
