Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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