i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Im part way to drunk.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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