Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
