My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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