you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
