Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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