just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
