why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
